What About Jan?

Today, a friend approached me and said she read my post about my diagnosis. In the middle of talking with her, tears suddenly welled up in her eyes and she started crying. 

A little part of me felt a little happy, that someone cared so much that they actually cried over my pain. But mostly I felt terrible for being the reason that someone cried.

I had this revelation that this is a tiny taste of how my funeral would be. I always knew my husband would be devastated but I never really was able to visualize it before because he's never cried in front of me in all our 9 years of knowing each other. So to see someone actually cry because of me for the first time hit me hard.

So I decided to sear that memory into my mind so that when I do feel like giving up, I think about how many people I would hurt instead. I would keep fighting for their sake, if not for my own.